Some camping tips...
by Bruce Cochran; from the Sept.
`96 issue of Backpacker:
- When using a public
campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table will keep
the campsites on either side vacant.
- Get even with a bear who
raided your food bag by kicking his favorite stump apart
and eating all the ants.
- Old socks can be made into
high fiber beef jerky by smoking them over an open fire.
- When smoking a fish, never
- A hot rock placed in your
sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A hot enchilada
works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between your
- You'll never be awakened by
the call of a loon if you have an unlisted number.
- The best backpacks are named
for national parks or mountain ranges.
- Steer clear of those named
- Acupuncture was invented by a
camper who found a porcupine in his sleeping bag.
- While the Swiss Army Knife
has been popular for years, the Swiss Navy Knife has
remained largely unheralded. Its single blade functions
as a tiny canoe paddle.
- Modern rain suits made of
fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to stay
dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and
belch, however, have been proven to add absolutely
nothing to the wilderness experience.
- Lint from your navel makes a
handy fire starter. Warning: Remove lint from navel
before applying the match.
- You'll never be lost if you
remember that moss always grows on the north side of your
- You can duplicate the warmth
of a down-filled bedroll by climbing into a plastic
garbage bag with several geese.
- The canoe paddle, a simple
device used to propel a boat, should never be confused
with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by Tibetan
- When camping, always wear a
long-sleeved shirt. It gives you something to wipe your
- You can compress the diameter
of your rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with
- Take this simple test to see
if you qualify for solo camping. Shine a flashlight into
one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do not go
into the woods alone.
- A two-man pup tent does not
include two men or a pup.
- A potato baked in the coals
for one hour makes an excellent side dish.
- A potato baked in the coals
for three hours makes an excellent hockey puck.
- You can start a fire without
matches by eating Mexican food, then breathing on a pile
of dry sticks.
- In emergency situations, you
can survive in the wilderness by shooting small game with
a slingshot made from the elastic waistband of your
- The guitar of the noisy
teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling.
- A large carp can be used for
- Check the washing
instructions before purchasing any apparel to be warn
camping. Buy only those that read "Beat on a rock in
- The sight of a bald eagle has
thrilled campers for generations. The sight of a bald
man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.
- It's entirely possible to
spend your whole vacation on a winding mountain road
behind a large motor home.
- Effective January 1, 1997,
you will actually have to enlist in the Swiss Army to get
a Swiss Army Knife.
- Bear bells provide an element
of safety for hikers in grizzly country. The tricky part
is getting them on the bears.
- A great deal of hostility can
be released by using newspaper photos of politicians for
- In an emergency, a drawstring
from a parka hood can be used to strangle a snoring tent
Last modified: 11/26/1997