25 Rules for Women
- SportsCenter starts at 11:00 PM and runs an hour. This is
a great time to pay bills, put laundry in the dryer or
talk to your sister.
- Two hot dogs and a beer at a baseball game do, in fact,
constitute going out to dinner.
- Unlike you, we essentially want to dress just exactly
like all our friends. Thus, you need not go much further
than the Gap, J. Crew or the local Patagonia store.
- If we see you in the morning and at night, why call us at
- Butthead is the smart one.
- Is it too much to ask to have the bra match the
- You probably don't want to know what we're thinking
- Silence does not need to be filled with discussions about
"us" and "the relationship."
- Things you can help with: the Sunday crossword, yard
work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping.
- Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we
are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, smoking
cigars and picking out the beer.
- Socks never constitute a gift.
- Department stores and malls were designed so that when
you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or
handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or
sporting equipment nearby.
- We don't know anything about handbags. Don't even ask.
- We did water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows
why this happens.
- Even if you think he's cute, Kevin Costner can't act.
- Of course, neither can Elle McPherson, but she had the
good sense to do "Sirens" rather than
- Curley is the bald one.
- Compromise does not mean that we abandon our position in
favor of yours.
- Sports Illustrated is a better magazine than
Cosmopolitan. Just accept that.
- It's in neither your interest nor ours to take the Quiz
- Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Mo
Vaughn, Cal Ripken, David Robinson, Michael Jordan,
Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chris Farley, don't expect us
to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, Naomi
Wolf or your mother are up to.
- Sex on a weeknight is generally welcome. Three hours of
post-coital conversation is not.
- Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets
to a ball game are even better.
- No, you can't have the remote control.
- If you must take us with you into Victoria's Secret,
never, ever leave us alone. All the old fat ladies make
mean faces at us and only add to our discomfort.
Last modified: January 12, 1997