Male Bashing

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.

Q: How do you keep a man from raping you?
A: Throw him the remote control.

Q: What's a man's idea of a romantic evening?
A: A candlelit football stadium.

Q: What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
A: One is hairy, smelly and is always scratching it's ass and the other's a chimpanzee.

Q: What would get your man to put down the toilet seat?
A: A sex-change operation.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why do men talk so dirty?
A: So they can wash their mouth out with beer.

Q: Why did God create man?
A: She didn't. Her husband did.

Q: How do you confuse a man?
A: Tell him to start a knock-knock joke.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: What happens when a man opens his zipper?
A: His brains fall out

Q: Why did god make women so stupid?
A: Someone had to like men!

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions!

Q: What does PMS stand for?
A: Putting (up with) Men's Stupidity

Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in!

Q: What's that ugly lump of flesh called on the end of a penis?
A: A man.

Q: What do electric toy trains and breasts have in common?
A: They're usually intended for the children, but it's the husbands who end up playing with them!

Q: Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A: Because their balls fall over their asshole and they vapor lock

Q: What is the perfect man?
A: A gingerbread man... He's sweet, he's quiet and if he gives you any crap, you can bite his head off!

Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: Why do men have a hole in the end of their penis?
A: So they can get some air to their brains.

Q: Why do men like masturbation?
A: It's sex with someone they love.

Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
A: So they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.

Q: Why did god make man before woman?
A: You need a rough draft before you have a final copy

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: one... men will screw anything

Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and their sperm is white?
A: So they can tell if their Coming or Going...

Q: How many men does it take to put the seat down?
A: Nobody knows. It hasn't happened yet.

Q: Why do women keep their eye's closed when they're being screwed?
A: Because they can't stand to see a man have a good time!

Q: How can you tell when a man wants sex?
A: He's breathing.

Q: How can you tell when a man's had an orgasm?
A: You can hear him snoring.

Q. What is the thinnest book in the world?
A. What men know about women.

Q. How does a man take a bubble bath?
A. He eats beans for dinner.

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
A. Because they don't have balls to scratch.

Q. What is a man's idea of fore play?
A. Half an hour of begging.

Q. How do you save a man from drowning?
A. Take your foot off his head.

Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common?
A. They're both empty from the neck up.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A. E.T. phones home.

Q. What does a man consider a seven-course meal?
A. A pizza and a six pack.

Q. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A. We don't know, it has never happened.

Last modified: November 26, 1997