You might be a Redneck if ...
- You develop a 1 to 10 warning system for your gas
- You prefer to walk the excess length off your jeans
rather than hem them.
- You can name the entire cast of The Dukes of Hazzard,
but not your congressman.
- The primary color of your car is Bond-O.
- You list tick removal as a skill on your resume.
- Your mounted deer head sports a baseball cap and
- Your bra size is higher than your S.A.T. score.
- Directions to your house include "turn off the paved
- The dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
- You can't spell your name without looking at your belt.
- You have to dress up the kids to go to K-mart.
- You think the Battle of the Bulge is an argument between
your wife and mother.
- You've ever had to turn your truck around because of
bridge clearance restrictions.
- You view duct tape as a long-term investment.
- The last thing you read was a syphilis pamphlet at the
- You think the Bud Bowl is real.
- Your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
- You think the Super Bowl is a top of the line bathroom
- Every workday ends with the same argument about who gets
to ride in the cab of the truck.
- No matter which side of the track you live on, it's the
- There is the equivalent of 3 large orders of fries
scattered on the floorboard of your car.
- The "Save Naugahyde" protection group chooses
your house as a picket site.
- You get your daily requirement of fiber from toothpicks.
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your and your wife's family reunion are one and the same.
- You've ever been fired from a construction job because of
- During your wedding ceremony the minister said, "Do
you, DeWayne, take Connie to be your old lady?"
- You can drink beer through your nose.
- You wore a three-day growth of beard before Don Johnson.
- Your TV remote control is your son Junior.
- Someone asks to see your marriage license and you have to
dig through the back floorboard of the G.T.O.
- You've ever paid for a 6-pack of beer with
pennies.There are hubcap wind chimes anywhere on your
- You have a Bud Light pool-table light
hanging over your dining room table.
- You think paprika is a Third World
- You ask the preacher, "How's it
- You go to a stock car race and don't need
- You have a bumper sticker that says,
"My mother's an honor student" at the local
- You think potted meat on a saltine is an
- You played the banjo in your high school
- The velvet paintings in your house were
bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
- You have no hubcaps on your car because
you're using them to feed your hunting dogs.
- You can't visit relatives without getting
mud on your tires.
- Your mother doesn't put on shoes to go
- You've ever been blacklisted by a bowling
- You honest-to-God think women are turned
on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
- Anyone in your family has ever purchased
peroxide in a gallon container.
- You don't think baseball players spit and
scratch too much.
- You've ever been to a wedding reception at
the Waffle House.
- Your dog has ever brought home something
that you cooked for dinner.
- You've ever caught bugs just so you could
throw them in the bug zapper.
- You have a Hefty Bag for a passenger-side
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Last modified: November 26, 1997