You might be a Redneck if ...
- You have three first names.
- Your family business requires a lookout.
- Your wife answers to "Cuz."
- You have to take the entire day off work to get your
- Anything outside the Lower 48 is "overseas."
- Your husband chews the same brand of tobacco as your
- You've ever hollered, "You kids quit playing on that
- Your neighbor has ever asked to borrow a quart of beer.
- You've ever rolled your riding lawn mower.
- You cried the day your son tapped his first keg.
- You repair your styrofoam cooler with duct tape and
- Drying your clothes depends on the weather.
- The cockroaches left you a note saying, "Clean this
- Someone says that your mother wears army boots and you
- You can eat a McDonald's cheeseburger in one bite.
- Your best linens have Property of Motel 6 printed
- You have to honk your horn when pulling into your
driveway to keep from killing chickens.
- You've ever worn camouflage pants to church.
- You think that safe sex is when the participants are
married to each other.
- You have eight cars and still have to bum a ride to work.
- The original color of your carpet is an unsolved mystery.
- The hood of your truck is higher than the roof of your
- Your local ambulance has a trailer hitch.
- Your idea of a big Saturday night is drinking beer and
- You know how to milk a goat.
- Your local funeral home has a neon sign in the window.
- Your dog goes "oink."
- You write off a radiator as a business expense.
- For your aniversary you take your wife to dinner at the
Wal-Mart snack bar.
- You've ever hollered,
"Rock the house, Bubba!" during a piano
- Your kids' favorite bedtime
story is "Curious George and the High Voltage
- Your watchband is wider than
any book you've ever read.
- You know who is actually
leading the Winston Cup series.
- You've ever had to turn your
pickup truck around because of bridge clearance
- Your favorite beer company
cannot afford to advertise.
- You've ever barbecued Spam
on the grill.
- You time your belches to
achieve a personal best.
- Your new job promotion means
the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your
- The fountain at your wedding
spewed beer instead of champagne.
- Your favorite restaurant has
the word "eats" anywhere in the name.
- There's graffiti on the
bathroom wall in your own house.
- You have grease under your
- Your idea of a romantic
evening is sharing the same spit cup with your girlfriend
at a tractor pull.
- The most common phrase you
hear at your family reunion is "What the hell are
you lookin' at, Diphead?"
- Your best coon hound gets a
birthday present and your wife doesn't.
- Your mother has more chest
hair than your father.
- You think Champho-Phenique
is a miracle drug.
- You think a manicure is some
kind of French doctor.
- Your mama saves aluminum
- You have more than two
brothers names Bubba or Junior.
- You clean your house with a
- During your wedding ceremony
the minister said, "Do you, DeWayne, take Connie to
be your old lady?"
- The game warden knows the
serial numbers to your guns by heart.
- You pawned your
grandfather's pocket watch because you needed beer money
for the weekend.
- You took your coon dogs on
- You drive across town to see
a car wreck.
- It's impossible to see food
stains on the fabric of your work uniform.
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Last modified: November 26, 1997