You might be a Redneck if ...
- You think the Yellow Pages have something to do with
training a puppy.
- You have season tickets for the tractor pull.
- You refer to your van as "The Love Machine."
- Your family talks just like professional wrestlers.
- You have Mason jars filled with stuff the FBI can't
- You sell rabbits out of your car.
- Your Uncle Bob died peeing on an electric fence.
- Your new sofa was on a curb in another part of town
- Your idea of water conservation is moving your Saturday
night bath to every other Saturday.
- You think espresso means 8 items or less.
- You've never stayed in a hotel without stealing
- All of your relatives' cars have "Tag Stolen"
signs in the rear window.
- Your hunting dog fetches more beer than birds.
- You keep a pellet gun by the front door.
- You think "recycling" means going home from
- Your truck is insured by Smith & Wesson.
- You sweep up the rice at the wedding and serve it at the
- You wet the bed and four other people immediately know
- Your daddy has ever said, "You kids run down to the
dump and see what they left."
- A night on the town includes city jail.
- Your flashlight holds more than four batteries.
- You eat a bowl of beans in order to take a bubble bath.
- There is a puddle in your driveway year-round.
- You've ever read the entire Sunday paper sitting in the
- You have orange road cones in your living room.
- You've ever watched the game warden through your scope.
- You get your oil changed by your barber.
- Your car wakes people up when you drive down the street.
- You can field dress a deer, but can't change a diaper.
- Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight
- You check your shirt to spell your name.
- You think that anyone with
ten fingers and ten toes is abnormal.
- You need one more hole
punched in your card before you get a "freebie"
at the House of Tattoos.
- You have a personal account
of a UFO sighting.
- You think a hard drive is
driving more than one hour.
- You've ever taken a
generator and a 27-inch TV camping.
- You help booby trap your
family's marijuana crop.
- You have ever made a
- The last time you saw your
daddy outside, he was picking up trash, chained to three
- Your mother's only shoes are
- Your sewage system consists
of a pipe down a hillside.
- You wear knee-high stockings
with a skirt.
- You follow the tractor pull
- You have more electronic
equipment in your truck than in your house.
- Your primary income involves
pigs or manure.
- Your best sofa came out of a
- Your sister is the third
generation of women in your family to conceive a baby due
to an alien abduction.
- You've ever gotten into a
fist fight over a bowling score.
- You're a member of the
"Chaw of the Month Club."
- Your handkerchief doubles as
your shirt sleeve.
- You've ever been hunting on
- Your yard has more than 10
- You think the ultimate
beauty treatment is using Preparation-H to prevent
- You must go through more
than 2 gates to get to your home.
- You've never seen a film
- You own a pair of cut-offs
made from double-knit pants.
- You have to go outside to
get something from the fridge.
- You've ever talked back to
characters on the movie screen.
- You won't stop at a rest
area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
- Your kids hide the Easter
eggs under cow patties.
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Last modified: November 26, 1997