You might be a Redneck if ...
- The tires on your car don't fit under your fenders.
- You think A-1 Sauce tastes great on 'possum.
- You think the traffic sign "Merge" is a
- You burn trash in your Subday clothes.
- You have fake fur on your dashboard.
- You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his
- Nobody can rebuild an engine like mama.
- You consider a spotlight hunting equipment.
- Your car has never had a full tank of gas.
- You stockpile motor oil.
- Your favorite cologne is Blue Tick Hound.
- You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
- You've ever had sex while wearing work gloves.
- Your dog drinks from the toilet and you don't care.
- Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes three relatives to
figure out how to fix it.
- You call the operator to get the number for 911.
- Your car alarm eats dog food.
- You're considered an expert on worm beds.
- You leave everything in your will to your mule.
- You make wind chimes out of frozen orange juice lids.
- You own a pair of knee-high moccasins.
- You drew "horns" on your new bride in your
- You have a beer can crusher mounted on the dashboard of
- You haul more than U-Haul.
- You buy a police scanner to keep up with your relatives.
- You showed up drunk for your D.U.I hearing.
- You pick your teeth from a catalog.
- You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
- You've ever made love on top of a dog house.
- You think Long John Silver is formal underware.
- When paying for beer, spare pistol shells fall out of
- You're not actually able to
read The Richard Petty Story, but you sure do like to
look at the pictures.
- You've ever had to appear in
court because of your dogs.
- The front license plate of
your car has the words "Foxy Lady" written in
- Your checks feature pictures
of dogs fighting.
- Any of your honeymoon plans
involve a deer camp.
- All your favorite shirts
came with a two-pack purchase of cigarettes.
- You have a hook in your
shower to hang your hat on.
- You have ever tried to use
food stamps to mail a watermelon.
- You own more than three
shirts with the sleeves cut off.
- You refer to your beer gut
as "the old tool shed."
- You've ever stolen a
Neighborhood Watch sign to put in your yard.
- Your boots cost more than
your wedding ring.
- You've ever vacationed in a
- You always thought
"Guns and Roses" was something you get for your
- You proposed in a Denny's.
- The passengers enter your
vehicle through the driver's-side door.
- You had to hitchhike on your
- You think
"Chablis" is the name of last month's Playboy
- You save cooking grease in a
- You inherited a Styrofoam
- There's no cutoff age for
sleeping with your parents.
- Your doghouse and your
living room both have the same shag carpet.
- You think fast food is
hitting a deer at 65 mph.
- You've ever had to move a
car seat to make love.
- You're familiar with
Copenhagen but have never heard of Denmark.
- Your favorite restaurant has
a gas pump in front of it.
- You think a stock tip is
advice on wormin' your hogs.
- You don't have a home phone.
- You think "Ross
Perot" is how your cousin Ross got out of jail
- You think "trash
TV" is something in your backyard.
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Last modified: November 26, 1997