You might be a Redneck if ...
- Everyone in the house learns something from the potty
- You missed high school graduation because your kids were
- You've ever used a laundromat as a mailing address.
- You've ever given yourself a social disease.
- You've ever freshened up with a Slim Jim.
- On stag night, you take a real deer.
- You use a screwdriver to open your chewing tobacco.
- All of your relatives would have to die to wipe out
- There is more oil in your baseball cap than in your car.
- The man from the power company threatens to cut off your
service, and you threaten to cut off something of his in
- Your birth announcements included the words "rug
- You've ever water-skied in your underwear.
- You pick your nose in line at the bank.
- You have a tennis ball on your truck antenna.
- People hear your car a long time before they see it.
- There are engine parts on your coffee table.
- You've ever been on television not wearing a shirt.
- You have a feed store nightgown.
- You've ever backed down an exit ramp.
- Your arms are hairless from checking your knife's
- Your most expensive shoes have numbers on the heels.
- You use a piece of bread as a napkin.
- Your dog passes gas and you claim it.
- The police regularly come to your house to break up a
fight, and you live alone.
- You've ever hitchhiked naked.
- The highlight of your parties is when you flip out your
- You trim your beard and find a french fry.
- The biggest sign on your place of business says
- Your wife keeps a can of Vienna sausage in her purse.
- It's midnight and everyone on your street knows what
album your're playing.
- Stealing road signs is a
- You think a woman who is
"out of your league" bowls on a different
- You've ever changed the
numbers on your house so the police can't find you.
- You have an above ground
pool and you fish in it.
- Your bathroom deodorizer is
a box of kitchen matches.
- An expired license plate
means another decoration for your living room wall.
- You think
"Megabytes" means a good day fishing.
- You've ever picked up a
woman in a convenience store.
- Your deer stand has an
- You have more things with
Hank Williams Jr.'s name on them than your own.
- You think a lavatory is a
breed of dog.
- You've ever taken a date
flowers you stole from a cemetery.
- You've ever relieved
yourself from a moving vehicle.
- You use old auto parts as a
- You use old auto parts as a
- Your pickup truck and your
wife are the same age.
- Your favorite cologne is
Deep Woods Off.
- You've ever given livestock
as a wedding present.
- You think safe sex means
putting on the emergency brake.
- People hear your car a long
time before they see it.
- Your 23-channel CB radio is
used to communicate with your family.
- Your bridal veil was made of
- You call your boss
- You repaint your pink
flamingo every spring... but not your house.
- You have ever carried
leftovers home in your handbag.
- You think an oil change
involves a comb and bottle of Vitalis.
- You whistle to get the
attention of your waiter or waitress.
- Your college graduation
ceremony includes parallel parking an 18-wheeler.
- You think ribs come from
- Your toothbrush is a
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Last modified: November 26, 1997