You might be a Redneck if ...
- Most of your family have appeared on COPS.
- The dishwasher and your wife are one and the same.
- You've ever been accused of lying through your tooth.
- You've ever walked through a drive-thru window.
- The beer truck delivers door-to-door in your
- Your cigarette lighter is your stove.
- The cleaners inform you that they can't get the sweat
- The only scales in your bathroom are leftovers from the
- You burn out your clutch in a funeral procession.
- You can distinguish between the taste of 'possum and
- Three weeks after the circus, you're still talking about
the elephant's accident.
- Your idea of cleaning house is throwing everything in the
- You don't recognise several relatives when they're sober.
- You've ever used panty hose as a coffee filter.
- The school principal has your number on speed dial.
- Your class reunion is a keg party in the woods.
- You've ever thrown a tailgate party at a tractor pull.
- You've ever borrowed chewing tobacco from your wife.
- Your tooth has a cavity.
- Your property has ever been mistaken for a recycling
- You refer to hot sex as relative humidity.
- Your horse can count higher than you.
- You own all of the components of soap on a rope except
- You fix holes in your truck with duct tape.
- You proudly display a collection of automobile-shaped
- You go to the ear, nose, and throat doctor to have your
- You think Roe vs. Wade deals with boat ownership.
- You made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.
- All your tupperware is old butter containers.
- You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone
who was inside.
- Your riding lawn mower has cup holders.
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Last modified: October 7, 1996