You might be a Redneck if ...
- Your toothbrush has been in the family for generations.
- You own a monogrammed minnow bucket.
- Your truck has ever been the scene of a crime.
- You play pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey and get 4 teeth
- You've ever plucked a nose hair with a pair of pliers.
- You have to wash your hands before you go to the
- You wear overalls to save on the cost of shirts and
- Your little black book is a string of cocktail napkins.
- You rip a loud one and blame your date.
- Your veterinarian is also a taxidermist.
- You know your daddy's C.B. handle, but not his real name.
- Your bowling ball cost more than your college education.
- You use your daughter's wedding as an excuse to buy a new
- You have a Jack Daniels poster in your living room.
- You think Liberation was that funny-dressed guy who
played the piano.
- You've talked to your mama on the C.B., but have never
met her in person.
- The sound of a siren sends your family running for the
- You shave your legs with your husband's fishing knife.
- The cottage cheese container in your refrigerator holds
- You make your wife ride in the back of the truck so the
dog won't get sick.
- You drive 600 miles to see an image of Elvis that has
miraculously appeared in water stains on the ceiling of a
- Your first pet was a chicken.
- The National Guard had to be called out to your last
- Your school colors are camouflage.
- Your horse lives in a better place than you do.
- Your chili's secret ingredient comes from a bait shop.
- Your gun safe is bigger than your refrigerator.
- Your retirement plans include getting your own place.
- You have a subscription to Hound Dogs Today.
- You practice fishing off your front porch.
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Last modified: October 7, 1996