You might be a Redneck if ...
- You have a refrigerator just for beer.
- You clean your hands daily with gasoline.
- You have your wife check the depth of the water before
you drive your truck through it.
- Your belt buckle trips the airport metal detector even
when you aren't at the airport.
- None of the tires on your car are the same size.
- You wouldn't dare go anywhere without jumper cables.
- Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.
- Your sex life improved with the invention of 4-wheel
- All your wall decorations have horns on them.
- Your wife's arms got so big from pushing your car.
- You went to the gun and knife show more than once in the
- The morning after your kids' slumber party, the dogs have
- You've never made up your bed.
- Trimming your beard requires lawn equipment.
- You buy lard wholesale.
- Your lawn furniture used to be your living room
- Any of your children are the result of a conjugal visit.
- You can do a moose mating call from an orifice other than
- Coworkers start a petition over your coffee cup.
- One of your top concerns is going to the electric chair.
- You have lots of hubcaps on your house, but none on your
- Your handkerchief doubles as your shirt sleeve.
- You regularly answer the question "What have you
been doing lately?" with "Partying."
- You can readily describe the taste of squirrel.
- You can take your bra off while driving.
- There is not room for one more bumper sticker on your
- You go to your sister's wedding just to kiss the bride.
- Counting sheep makes you more aroused than sleepy.
- You were driving a tractor before you could walk.
- You stockpile pork & beans.
- Trick-or-treaters are scared to come to your door.
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Last modified: October 7, 1996