You might be a Redneck if ...
- The day after Halloween you go around town collecting
- You've ever put a six-pack in a casket right before they
- Your family's No. 1 enemy is revenuers.
- You bought your house at a hail sale.
- Your belt buckle doubles as a serving platter.
- You stare at a can of frozen orange juice because it says
- You use lava soap more than three times a day.
- You own a pair of home-made lizard skin boots.
- When you see a sign that says "Say No To
Crack," it reminds you to pull your jeans up.
- Your wife has a Jell-O mold that looks like Elvis.
- You have more tattoos than teeth.
- You wear cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts.
- You have a hook in your shower to hang your hat on.
- You've ever been the third through the bathwater.
- You've never heard a toilet flush.
- You buy your wife tube socks at the flea market.
- You don't have a home phone.
- You consider orange peels left on the coffee table as
- Wildlife has ever tried to mate with your clothes.
- The family business is called Hubcap City.
- You grow flowers in an old commode in your front yard.
- You can't take a bath because beer is iced down in your
- Your kitchen doubles as a bait store.
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
- You've ever picked up a woman in a convenience store.
- You throw a beer can out the truck window and your wife
- You've ever fed your date french fries in a Denny's.
- Going to the laundromat means cleaning out the back of
- You've ever eaten so much your bra hurt you.
- Your family reunion features a chewing tobacco spit-off.
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Last modified: October 7, 1996