You might be a Redneck if ...
- You show strangers your war wound.
- You stop and pick up furniture others have thrown out.
- The "football pool" committee at work has to
get a court order to garnish your paycheck.
- The rear window of your truck or van is a picture.
- You've ever filled your deer tag on a golf course.
- When you get stopped for speeding, you wave at your
friends passing by.
- You own a lava lamp over 5 feet tall.
- You use a cow pie for a paper weight.
- You regularly give away free puppies.
- Your mother owns a Lynyrd Skynyrd tee-shirt.
- If you refer to your wife and mother-in-law as "Dual
- You drive past a cow pasture and roll down your window to
get a whiff.
- You own Patsy Cline salt and pepper shakers.
- Your mother's nickname is Chainsaw, Swampdog, or Flea
- You select your date's corsage to match her tattoo.
- Your car stereo cost more than the car itself.
- You think a house warming is something the KKK does.
- Decorating for Christmas means holly on the propane tank.
- Every Christmas party includes at least one fight in the
- You won't go to the family Christmas party unarmed.
- You hate having to drive to the penitentiary to spend
Christmas with Mama.
- You use pop-top chains on your Christmas tree.
- Your community nativity scene has people wearing
- You leave a cold one and three pickled eggs for Santa.
- Your dogs chase Santa's sleigh.
- You have a tattoo that says "Born to bag
- You own a pink flamingo with buck shot holes in it.
- You're invited to your cousin's wedding and can't decide
which side of the family to sit with.
- Your entertainment center is made of boards and concrete.
- You own every Box Car Willie album.
- You celebrate every night like it's New Year's Eve.
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Last modified: October 7, 1996